


Envy

by n_nami



Category: Seiyuu Fandom, 声優 | Seiyuu RPF
Genre: Fireworks, M/M, PDA, Romantic Stuff, Some angst, new year's
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-12 16:58:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5673622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/n_nami/pseuds/n_nami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Contrary to Sugita and Nakamura, Hiroshi and Daisuke can't get away with PDA as easily, which doesn't tend to bother Daisuke any other day. But it's New Year's eve, and holidays meant for couples are hard to tackle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Envy

**Author's Note:**

> A big Thank You to Lei for reading over this <3

Nakamura frowned at his phone, which laid unmoving, un-blinking, un-vibrating on the table in front of him beside unused chopsticks.

“Still haven't heard from him?” Hiroshi asked, trying to lighten the glum mood.

Beside him, Daisuke fidgeted, seeming as uncomfortable as Hiroshi felt.

“No,” Nakamura stabbed at the home button with his thumb, but the phone didn't show any news.

“He's going to be here any second, Nakamura-kun,” Daisuke tried to placate their friend. Hiroshi let him, because he knew Daisuke was better at this kind of talk anyway. “He'd have told you if--”

He was interrupted by Nakamura's cell phone going off with an 8-bit music theme that even Hiroshi didn't recognize. A Theme from some old game, most likely. Nakamura's face lit up before he even picked up. “Hello?”

Hiroshi shot Daisuke an amused look from the corner of his eye, and found Daisuke grinning at him.  _As expected._

They watched in silence as Nakamura nodded, the smile on his face widening. “Ah, I see. - Alright, yes, see you in a bit.”

When he put the cell phone back into his bag, he let out a deep sigh and seemed notably more relaxed. Hiroshi had a hard time not telling him 'I told you so', so he took a sip from his glass of water to hide his amusement.

The waitress slid open the door to their booth and politely asked if they needed anything.

Without batting an eye, Nakamura ordered Sugita's favorite tea. “My friend will be here in a minute, so we'll get ready to order,” he added.

Hiroshi smiled behind his hand. Ever since they had left the studio from the last recording for Osomatsu-san, Nakamura had constantly frowned at his phone, waiting for a sign from his best friend and – as everybody in their nearest proximity knew – partner.

About an hour ago, they had sat down for dinner at one of their usual restaurants in a booth at the back and watched Nakamura getting gloomier and gloomier while Daisuke and he tried to cheer him up.

Under the table, Daisuke nudged his knee against Hiroshi's.

When Hiroshi looked up, Daisuke met his eyes with a soft smile, lips plush and slightly chapped from the cold winter air outside and the dry heated air inside. His eyes were as warm as always, and Hiroshi found himself drawn towards him, as per usual. He acutely found himself wanting to kiss those chappy lips until they were puffy and reddened.

But they were in public. It was neither the time nor the place.

Even if 'public' meant being with one of their oldest friends in a closed-off booth at the back of a restaurant they visited frequently.

So Hiroshi smiled and nudged Daisuke's knee back, and that was it.

Daisuke lowered his head with a faint blush on his cheeks and Hiroshi had a really hard time not wrapping his arms around him or do anything, really. A grown man shouldn't be allowed to look that cute.

“Stop it,” he hissed at Daisuke with a grin he could barely suppress.

Daisuke blinked at him, the picture of personified innocence. “What?”

Hiroshi just rolled his eyes with a playful smirk. Daisuke knew exactly what he was doing, charming idiot that he was.

Just a few minutes later, the door slid open again to reveal both the waitress with a pot of tea and a teacup, as well as the one person they had all been waiting for trailing behind her.

“Sir, please,” she waved towards the empty spot beside Nakamura, then proceeded to place the tea on the table and left with a low bow.

“There you are,” Hiroshi teased their newest addition. “I thought we'd have to starve here.”

“Good evening to you too,” Sugita chuckled and exchanged a smile with his boyfriend. “Sorry, Gintama ran late.” 

After he put away his bag and jacket, Sugita leaned down to lay his hand on Nakamura's shoulder, to support himself while he sat down on the tatami mat, legs sprawled under the low table, thigh touching Nakamura's in what seemed such a natural manner that neither of them wondered about it.

The hand slid from Nakamura's shoulder over his neck down to rest on his lower back.

“I'm glad you're here,” Nakamura said quietly, leaning into the touch. “I was almost worried something happened on the way.”

“Not really. The train was just really crowded, I couldn't even reach my phone to let you know that I was late, you know, one of those days. And I obviously couldn't text you from the studio.”

“It's fine,” Nakamura smiled, nudging Sugita's shoulder with his, then sitting up straight to grab the menu card. “Let's order, I'm starving, too.”

Sugita poked his side and made Nakamura squirm. “In contrast to Kamiya-san, you'd have something to starve from, one might think,” Sugita laughed.

Nakamura grabbed his hand to stop him. “Cut it out,” he chuckled. “You love it.”

Hiroshi and Daisuke ignored them in mutual understanding.

“So?” Sugita answered with a fond smile, and they both focused on the menu.

Their hands stayed intertwined between them.

It wasn't unusual to see Sugita and Nakamura holding hands, during recordings or even in semi-public like this. On the contrary, if they weren't constantly all over each other, teasing and laughing about some inside jokes or touching in whatever way, something was wrong. Over the years, their relationship became an open secret, even to their agencies, which had long since given up on keeping up their image as single, straight _seiyuu._

They were always like this, and all of them were well aware of that fact.

It also was far from the first time that they were out with Nakamura and Sugita, and far from the first time to have witnessed their elaborate PDA.

However, Hiroshi noticed Daisuke staring into space instead of at the menu, his expressive eyes wide and unfocused. His Adam's apple was bopping up and down as he swallowed.

There was something wrong with that, Hiroshi could tell.

Their knees were still close beside one another's under the table, so Hiroshi nudged Daisuke's knee again to distract him from whatever was bothering him.

Daisuke's smile seemed forced, but he shook his head at Hiroshi.  _Don't worry._

Oh, Hiroshi _did_ worry. He knew Daisuke too well not to.

Now that Sugita was here and Nakamura could relax, the two fell quickly into a discussion about a mobile game they had both started lately, and weren't paying them much attention. While Sugita was showing him something on his phone, Nakamura sprawled all over him, his arm around Sugita's shoulders, their hands clasped together on his thigh, touching shamelessly.

Not even the waitress taking their orders made them separate or behave any less like a couple, although she didn't bat an eye at them, either.

After watching Daisuke biting his lip and looking miserable for a few long minutes of innocuous conversation, Hiroshi knew he had to address whatever the issue was.

“What's up?” Hiroshi leaned in and whispered to him, so the others wouldn't hear. “Don't tell me there's nothing, I won't believe you.”

“Ah,” Daisuke seemed embarrassed, his cheeks reddening. “Of course you would notice.”

“Yes, of course. So, what's bothering you?” Hiroshi prompted.

Daisuke scratched the back of his neck, mumbling, “Nothing serious, really. It's just, sometimes... I envy them.”

“Those two?” Hiroshi tilted his head towards their friends.

Daisuke seemed to become more embarrassed by the second. He looked up and nodded with a pout on his lips.  _Cute._ “I'd really like to hold your hand sometime, too.”

Hiroshi took a deep breath. The puppy dog eyes weren't fair and Daisuke knew it. As much as Hiroshi enjoyed teasing him any other day, this topic obviously bothered him.

The problem was, they had an understanding. They were too much in the eye of the public to act all couple-y at a restaurant. What if someone spotted them? There wasn't much that Hiroshi hated more than rumors about himself. Well, maybe rumors about him and Daisuke, he did hate those more, only because he didn't like to see Daisuke being dragged down with him and because his private life should stay private. As much as he could keep it private, anyway. Plus, their fans could be a bit... easy when jumping to conclusions. They didn't even need to give away much and people would assume that they were secretly married.

Which, okay, wasn't far from the truth. But still.

Since the very first day of their relationship, they had an understanding. In public, and during DGS, it was 'Kamiya-san' and 'Ono-kun'. It meant no touching, and it was behaving the way friends would. So far, they had been able to work with that, with keeping their relationship within the confines of their home.

But of course those thoughts had crossed Hiroshi's mind once or twice.

How nice it would be to walk the streets with his arm around Daisuke's waist, or just holding his hand, or kissing him without worrying about who'd see it. Which was out of the cards anywhere where people could recognize them. Which was literally everywhere. Not even during their trip to Hongkong did they have a chance to, since cameras where constantly pointed at them.

When compared to straight couples, or even to Nakamura and Sugita across the table from them – who had just exchanged a very unsubtle kiss on the mouth – it was really, really unfair.

And right when Hiroshi decided to screw their usual rules of how to behave in public just this once because Daisuke was upset and they technically were within a semi-private setting and reached for Daisuke's hand - the door slid open. The waitress brought their appetizers, and Hiroshi was so taken by surprise that he jerked his hand back on reflex.

Daisuke looked almost hurt.

Which was were all of this stopped being fun.

When she had left once again, Hiroshi lowered his head and said quietly, “I'm sorry.”

“No, don't, I know we can't,” Daisuke mumbled, his lips pinched with an unhappy curl at the edges. “It's... it's not like we're--” he broke off. “I'm sorry, we shouldn't talk about this here.”

“Ono-san,” Sugita threw in. “Just because we act like this doesn't mean you two should, too. We got a lot of shit from our agencies for it in the beginning, not to mention--”

“I know,” Daisuke huffed, clearly unhappy. “Still, it's just a vague sense of envy. It doesn't matter.”

Hiroshi shook his head with a sigh. From his reaction to the waitress earlier, he felt queasy and discouraged. Maybe this understanding wasn't supposed to be broken, and Daisuke seemed to reluctantly have realized that point, too. 

“It's just not us, ne, _Ono-kun?”_ he nudged a sullen-looking Daisuke, using his professional name on purpose. 

“I know you're right, and we can't, but still - it's just... days like today, it kind of hits me, you know. Especially since Christmas was right around the corner and now it's New Year's and we can't even go to the festival--”

“Daisuke,” Hiroshi interrupted him, intentionally serious. “You know what I said during our last DGS program, right? About the fireworks?”

Daisuke nodded, his face beet red by now.

“Do you think I'd break my promise? We're gonna see the fireworks together, just like every year.”

Hiroshi met his eyes straight on and smiled, to calm and reassure him. He'd have preferred to hug him, but that was the entire point of this conversation – he couldn't.

Right then and there, he made a New Year's resolution, though.

For a moment, the room was silent, until Nakamura spluttered with laughter. “Honestly, you two act more lovey-dovey than us right now, what with the heart eyes and stuff.”

Sugita laughed as well, hiding his face against Nakamura's shoulder. “Now that you mention it,” he wheezed out.

It was Hiroshi's turn to blush as he quickly averted his eyes. He couldn't think of anything to reply, because they were technically right and everybody in the room knew it.

Daisuke leaned in with a smile on his lips and just said, quietly and into Hiroshi's ear, “You're adorable like this.”

“Shut up, I'm not adorable,” Hiroshi grumbled, then slapped Daisuke's thigh under the table.

Daisuke pretended that it hurt, holding his leg while whining about the pain, but his smile was fond.

They were good.

***  
  
Later that night, when Hiroshi had found them a secluded spot in the deserted park, in the shadows of a tree just off the main path, watching as fireworks shot off into the clear night sky, Hiroshi went through with his New Year's resolution.

When Daisuke said, far away from the shrines which were now crawling with couples, “Happy New Year,” Hiroshi wrapped his hand around his neck and pulled him down into a kiss.

Right there, in the middle of the park, even if they were alone.  _Because_ they were alone.

Even though he felt like his heart would jump out of his chest any second now. Even though Daisuke's skin was scalding hot where it met Hiroshi's. Even though his kiss was stiff with surprise and his lips were cold from the crisp winter air.

They had never done this before, not in plain sight of anyone who happened to pass by.

However, reasonably speaking, even if someone would see them, they wouldn't be recognized. In the dark they'd probably even mistake Hiroshi for a woman, since his hair was on the longer side these days. He had needed a haircut for weeks, but Daisuke had tried to convince him of the opposite.

Daisuke's surprised yelp was muffled against Hiroshi's lips, but then he melted into the kiss with a quiet sigh and responded in kind.

When they pulled apart, Daisuke clasped his hands around Hiroshi's shoulders and held him at arm's length. His eyes were wide, and Hiroshi felt adrenaline rush through his veins at the bold move. It took two deep breaths before Daisuke wrapped his arms around Hiroshi's waist and squeezed him, trembling allover.

“Woah,” he said on the exhale, and Hiroshi felt his hands shaking against the small of his back.

“Are you okay?” Hiroshi smiled into Daisuke's shoulder.

“No, not at all,” Daisuke admitted, then started to laugh, low in his throat. A pleasant, warm rumble that made Hiroshi's spine tingle all the way down and settled low in the pit of his stomach. Comfort. Familiarity. “You surprised me.”

“I just wanted to make it up to you, since, you know, earlier... I'm sorry that we can't act like a couple in public. Don't ever think that I love you any less just because I can't always show it,” Hiroshi confessed in a rush before he could think otherwise.

“Ah,” Daisuke ducked his head to avoid his eyes. _Nailed it._

“And don't underestimate how well I know you,” Hiroshi teased in addition, reveling in Daisuke's blush and his embarrassed smile as he poked his chest with his index finger.

Daisuke leaned his head against Hiroshi's shoulder and calmed down with deep breaths. After a few long moments, he turned his head to kiss Hiroshi's cheek.

“I love you, too,” he whispered.

“Happy New Year, Daisuke,” Hiroshi replied and nuzzled his face into the crook of Daisuke's neck.

There'd be nowhere he would rather be than right here, he thought while his heart pounded against his ribcage with sure, heavy thumps, and he felt Daisuke's pulse racing fast where his hand was still resting against Daisuke's neck. He was warm in the cold winter night, and the scarf around his neck was Hiroshi's fluffy blue one, smelling of Daisuke's aftershave.

In the distance, skyrocket fireworks were still going off with pops and shrill squawks as they wheezed towards the clear, star-lit sky.

 _Nowhere_ he'd rather be.

Yet, they pulled apart soon after and went home the way they usually did – walking side by side without touching but with wide smiles on their faces. Hiroshi drove them home.

Daisuke was awfully quiet all the way there, worrying his lip as he stared out the window.

Only later, when they laid curled up against each other in bed, Daisuke's arms around his waist, he admitted, “Even if I sometimes envy them, I think we're fine the way we are. Really.”

“What made you change your mind?” Hiroshi asked, feeling sleepy. He inhaled the scent of the sheets, of Daisuke's shampoo, of clean sweat and the remainder of aftershave, and let the warmth of Daisuke's body seep into him.

“Not so much change my mind, but rather... realize,” Daisuke mumbled into his hair, his breath ruffling the strands and tickling his scalp. “When we stood in the park and you kissed me-- don't get me wrong, I appreciated it a lot – but I felt out of place. I was so nervous that I thought I'd get a heart attack. You're right, this isn't us. We don't need that. But still, thank you.”

Wordlessly, Hiroshi placed a kiss on Daisuke's collarbone, where his pajama shirt had slid down, and that was the end of that discussion.

**THE END**

 

**Author's Note:**

> Spread the word if you enjoyed it~ 
> 
> Comments are always appreciated!


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